Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Suha Needs Help

So I open my e-mail today and guess what? Suha Arafat is in need of some help. Here is her personal letter to me. Why is she asking a Jew for help? Go figure:

Dear Friend,

This mail may not be surprising to you if you have been following current events in the international media with reference to the Middle East and Palestine in particular.
Yep. I was expecting this letter. In fact I'm surprised you waited so long to ask for my help.
I am Mrs. SUHA ARAFAT, the wife of YASSER ARAFAT, the Palestinian leader who died recently in Paris. Since his death and even prior to the announcement, I have been thrown into a state of antagonism, confusion, humiliation, frustration and hopelessness by the present leadership of the Palestinian Liberation Organization and the new Prime Minister. I have even been subjected to physical and psychological torture. As a widow that is so traumatized, I have lost confidence with everybody in the country at the moment.
I wonder if she is seeing a doctor for her emotional problems. And to think she was tortured by the Palestinian authorities. Who would have believed such a thing? They seemed like such nice honest people.
You must have heard over the media reports and the Internet on the discovery of some fund in my husband secret bank account and companies and the allegations of some huge sums of money deposited by my husband in my name of which I have refuses to disclose or give up to the corrupt Palestine Government. In fact the total sum allegedly discovered by the Government so far is in the tune of about $6.5 Billion Dollars. And they are not relenting on their effort to make me poor for life. As you know, the Moslem community has no regards for woman, hence my desire for a foreign assistance.
A real women's libber apealing to our better instincts. And those terrible Arab swine. How did she know I voted for Bush? She must have read my blog. I'm honored. And she is keeping the whole $6.5 billion from those corrupt Palestinian Authorities until there is honest government in Palestine. I hope she doesn't have long to wait.
I have deposited the sum of 20 million dollars with a security firm abroad whose name is withheld for now until we open communication. I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your bank account for safe keeping and any Investment opportunity. This arrangement is known to you and my personal Attorney. He might be dealing with you directly for security reasons as the case may be.
You can count on me to keep your funds safe, honey. BTW why is it always $20 million? Why not $19.5 or $23.7? The mysteries of high finance. I can't wait to hear from your attorney. What's his name BTW?
In view of the above, if you are willing to assist for our mutual benefits, we will have to negotiate on your Percentage share of the $20,000,000 that will be kept in your position for a while and invested in your name for my trust pending when my Daughter, Zahwa, will come off age and take full responsibility of her Family Estate/inheritance.
Hey this could be a bonanza. I could get rich off the interest alone. I wonder how she knew I could be trusted. Must have been reading the blog.
Please note that this is a golden opportunity that comes once in life time and more so, if you are hornet, I am going to entrust more funds in your care as this is one of the legacy we keep for our children.
I'm hornet. I'm hornet. Honest.
In case you don't accept please do not let me out to the security and international media as I am giving you this information in total trust and confidence I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith. Please expedite action.
Uh. Oh. It looks like I may have screwed the pooch here. Oh. Well. Easy come easy go.
Yours sincerely,

Suha Arafat
I guess the check will not be in the mail. Oh. Well.


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