Friday, June 03, 2011

Message In a Pee Bottle

Remember Pee Bottle and Bull Crap from the old cartoon series? Well they are at it again. (just my way of avoiding the subject)
Whenever I try to use a public restroom, everything freezes up!

No matter how badly I need to go, nothing happens if I'm not at home.

I can urinate when I'm alone at home, no problem. But if I'm away at a ball game, someone else's home, or wherever, or even if I'm at home and somebody's over visiting, I can't pee. This crazy problem has done nothing but interfere with my life!
These are but a few representative comments of people who experience bashful bladder syndrome (BBS), also referred to as bashful kidneys, pee-phobia, urophobia, psychogenic urinary retention and paruresis (the official clinical term). People with BBS are sometimes referred to as paruretics.
I have had the problem since I was two or three years old. Ask my mom. When the doctor required a sample I'd have to take it home because I couldn't make a donation at the office.

My son's college graduation was particularly painful. I had to hold it for 20 hours until I got to a safe private bathroom. How did I manage in the Navy? At the start at every new duty station I would use the head only after every one else was asleep. After a few months with the new gang I was a little less bashful. I got used to my surroundings and the people. It was the same at a new job - as a contractor I was changing them as often as every six months.

Well OK. Just another hard luck story. Who cares? Flopping Aces has a story up that bears on the subject. At least tangentially.
n effect, the Supreme Court ruled, Arizona is within its rights to require employers to check the citizenship status of workers through a government data base. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce sued Arizona over the law, maintaining that immigration enforcement is a purview of the federal government.
To which I responded:
So I can’t get a job unless I pee in a bottle and my name is favorably entered in a Federal data base. Swell. Just swell.

I can’t tell who I have more to fear from. The right or the left.
Which brings up the one and only time I tried a pee test. I went to the testers every other day for a week. Nothing doing. On the last day I tried I drank at least 2 gallons of water over a four hour period. My bladder was stretching a LOT ( I can usually drink 3 or 4 cups of coffee at a new job and hold it until I get home). It was stretching to the point of extreme pain. Nothing. I asked them to put a tube up me to get it out. Nothing doing - why take the risk of liability in a clinic situation for a $25 pee test? The math is not difficult. I gave up, went home, and released a flood. That was the last time I ever tried that. I didn't get the job. Despite the fact that they were desperate for help and I had already fixed two or three serious problems in the two weeks I was on site.

And remember, drug testing is a program that "protects" you from deranged dopers who are indistinguishable by their behavior from ordinary folk. Otherwise you wouldn't need a pee test to find out who they are.

Since there is no test for this condition then it is not a reason to avoid taking the pee test. So I can’t get a job in my field. Not to worry. I’m sucking as much as I can off the government tit until it gets fixed. Thank you for your support.

Cross Posted at Classical Values

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