Wreck Value

Human Train Wrecks covers the debautched. Sample:

WRECK VALUE:

Notorious drunk and cocaine addict; was known to drink two entire bottles of Old Granddad per day; appeared stumbling drunk on "The Lucy Show"; her husband divorced her, citing "extreme mental cruelty"; described as "the most immoral person alive" by Marlene Dietrich; paid young gay men to populate her home, and referred to them as her "caddies"; once engaged her god-daughter in a makeshift voodoo ritual as an attempt to kill Senator Joseph McCarthy (McCarthy actually did die within a month of her ritual); once fell asleep with a lit cigarette and set her pet poodle Millicent on fire - when one of her "Caddies" discovered the blazing dog, he woke Bankhead. She responded by saying "Millicent's on fire? Put the goddamn thing out!" and then passed out again, as her bed smouldered around her.

DEVIL'S ADVOCACY:

Was a member of the Algonquin Roundtable; was nearly cast as Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone With the Wind"; worked with playwrights such as Thornton Wilder and Lillian Hellman; managed to get Greta Garbo, Billie Holiday, Winston Churchill and Hattie MacDaniel in the sack (not at the same time), perhaps winning her the honor of Most Bizarre Sex Life By A Trainwreck; used to be really hot.

SUPPORTING QUOTES:

"My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine."

"Cocaine isn't habit-forming. I should know - I've been using it for years.

"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time."

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."

"When I was 16, dahling, I had a shoebox full of cocaine."

Good for way more than a few minutes of entertainment. Oh. Yeah. Guess the actress.