Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Some Americans Need Help

From Random Traverse.

WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.


"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
There is more. Go read it.

Cross Posted at Classical Values

8 comments:

nik said...

Plagiarism, verbatim (other than a couple of name changes) from The Onion 1998

linearthinker said...

I erred. The posting of "AWNAA" at Random Traverse has been updated with credit given to The Onion for their rich satire.

Thank you, Simon, for bringing Nik's observation{s) to my attention.

Thank you, Nik. Please forgive me.

99% said...

LT,

Nicely done, sir. Copy and paste, copy and paste...

You have a brilliant mind for satire! Just remember your training:

CTRL-C FOLLOWED BY CTRL-V!

linearthinker said...

Hi, 99.

Give us a progress report on your Lego Tokamak. Have enough blocks?

Your kind remarks are appreciated, always a source of joy.



.

99% said...

Linearstinker,

You're going to rue the day that you mocked the "Lego Tokomak" (or, as Msemen would say "Talk-A-Mock"). Too bad you won't be part of the ensuring gold rush!

Here at EMC^3, we've built 672 prototypes over the last 20 years and let me tell you this: We really have solved the last remaining physics hurdles and it is now a simple matter of scaling up the machine to hit Q>10000000. In fact, during our last run, we achieved the breakeven condition Q = 1 and unfortunately electrocuted a lower life form. In this case, the loss to society was minimal since he was merely a mentally-challenged electrical line worker who was engaged in a stupefying, one-way conversation with a three-phase transformer. I can't provide you with any data to back up our claims, but trust me, DARPA wants this technology. We are currently under a gag order!

However, since you are a true patriot, I fully encourage you to send your money, spare ethernet cables, and LCD screens to support our breakthrough fusion research. Oh, btw: please make sure all donated LCDs are minimum 24" and have ProPhoto RGB color space. As an engineer I have minimum standards and can't possibly do my Orcad and Solidworks on anything less.

Cheers LinStinker!!

simentt said...

And that's why you shouldn't mix meds without consulting a physician.

Thank you, 99. Your contribution to the betterment of humanity has been noted.

-S

99% said...

Cement...

You mean like Marijuana? But I've been following the sage wisdom of Msemen for years now.

simentt said...

I'm guessing the Marijuana wouldn't be so bad unless you were mixing it with something else. What else do you use?

Yours,
-S